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Crackers

 

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers are a popular item in our house.  The kids love them and since we have five kids, that’s a lot of love. I also give them to whichever neighborhood kids happen to be around at feeding time.  I buy three or four bags of them at a time.  Currently, the Pepperidge Farm Goldfish people are running a contest with lots of great prizes.  Now, I’m not goofy enough to think I’ll win a trip to Hollywood as a result of buying a bag of crackers shaped like smiling fish (the odds are 1 in 10 million), however, I could win a music download.  The odds of winning a music download are 1 in 4.  Those are good odds.  I like those odds and considering how many bags of smiling fish crackers we use I would even go so far as to say I’m guaranteed to win.

Thirteen bags down so far, no wins.

NONE.  I should have won 3 times by now!  So, since I am using up all the non-winning bags and making the odds better for everyone else, I did what any sane person would do.  I called the Pepperidge Farm Goldfish cracker people.

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish person:  How may I help you?

Me:  I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t won any music downloads yet.

PFGP:  Umm.  Okay.  Oh, are you referring to our Goldfish promotion?

Me:  Yes.  I’ve been through thirteen bags so far and I haven’t won anything.

PFGP:  You’ve eaten thirteen bags?

Me:  Not by myself. I give them to the kids.  They love them.  Anyway, thirteen bags and no winners.  I just wanted to let you know that I’m messing up the odds.

PFGP:  We’re glad to hear that the kids love our crackers, sir, and I don’t think you’re messing up the odds.  We sell 3 billion bags a week.

(I think that’s what she said)

Me:  Well, alright, but you’re probably going to have some people winning a lot and getting all excited and jumping around and I just wanted you to know who’s responsible.

PFGP:  We appreciate your concern.  Since you haven’t had any luck with the bags you’ve bought, can we send you a coupon and another game piece?

Me:  You’ll send me a game piece?  Are the odds the same, 1 in 4?

PFGP:  Yes, sir, the odds are the same.

Me:  Can you send me four?

 

 
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