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When I accepted my
current title of Stay At Home Dad, I knew that the job
responsibilities would include butler, chauffeur, security,
housekeeping and gardening, but it never occurred to me that I’d
also be a chef. Cooking is something I had never been very good
at. Once- actually more than once- I tried to boil stuffed
shells despite the fact that the package of stuffed shells had
no boiling instructions printed on it. Maybe that’s because it’s
so easy, I thought. Stuffed shells are made of pasta, right? How
do you cook pasta? Boiling water. Easy. For some reason, though,
the shells would not stay stuffed when I boiled them. I had to
strain the stuffed part out of the water and reload the shells –
no small feat, as the shells get really soft and floppy once
they’ve been cooked all empty like that. However, what I lacked
in cooking knowledge I made up for in creativity. A little
string and a few well-tied knots is all it took. Again, the
package made no mention of string tying. Super Dad had to think
outside the box on that one. Actually, I’m not completely
convinced that I can’t make stuffed shell boiling work. Maybe if
I tied up the shells first and the water was just barely
simmering …
Oh well.
The point is, I had a lot to
learn and not a lot of time to learn it. My kids were already
kind of skinny. So I watched cooking shows and read books and
began to see the science behind it all and I slowly began to
become a decent cook.
Today, I tried something a
little different. There is a company that makes Asian noodle
dishes that cook right in their container in the microwave. Even
a decent cook could handle that, I thought. I read all the
directions, examined the container and decided that tonight
would be Red Curry Noodle night. The noodle would be a side dish
to go with the barbequed chicken, which I would cook on the
grill outside. Easy enough.
The directions on the side
of the curry noodle container read that I should add all the
ingredients (including about a cup of water – which is a liquid,
by the way) to the cardboard box and microwave it for 4 minutes.
I had already examined the container and it looked to me to be
somewhat other than waterproof, but I reasoned, I should follow
the directions the curry noodle company provided since they
really had no reason to lie to me. I’m a nice guy. So I did what
I was told, set the microwave for 4 minutes, closed the door and
started the noodles on their way to delicious perfection. I had
more than enough time to get the chicken started out on the
grill. Turns out, that was also the exact amount of time needed
for disaster to strike.
I’m not exactly sure when
the red curry sauce began to leak out of the “container”, but it
was definitely sometime after it had become a molten hot red
curry sauce. I should’ve known, I muttered as I opened
the microwave oven door and grabbed the box to get it out of
there before it created a major mess. Now, I must have used a
little too much force, because the wimpy little box crumpled in
my hand, exploding molten hot red curry sauce and noodles all
over the inside of the microwave. I stood there in complete
disbelief pondering what a good cook I’d become.
At that exact moment, I saw,
out of the corner of my eye, what looked like fire shooting out
of the grill. It was fire, of course. The chicken was on fire –
fully engulphed. Now the only reason that the chicken should
possibly be on fire is that at that precise time, I really,
really needed it to not be on fire.
Sometimes food is like that,
even when you’re a nice guy.
Chicken burnt beyond
recognition. Red Curry Noodles all over the inside of an
expensive appliance. I still had to make dinner. So, I put a big
pot of water on to barely simmer.
Where are those stuffed
shells?
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