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Is there any more universal
truth than, “Kids love candy”? I don’t think there is. I mean,
there are those very few children who have never had candy or
never developed a sweet tooth, but I’m pretty sure that those
kids are space aliens and space aliens are statistically
irrelevant. All kids love candy in some form or another. Chewy,
chocolaty, nutty, whatever as long as it’s sweet. They focus on
it, think about it, dream about it (vision of sugarplums,
anyone?), and develop elaborate schemes to acquire it. If left
unsupervised with large amounts of candy, some children will eat
until their eyes roll back into their heads and lay on the floor
twitching in a sugar-induced state of bliss.
So I hear.
I hate the whole idea. Sure,
I like the taste of candy. I was a kid once, but now I am the
father of five candy-loving kids and as such, I hate it on a
very basic level. I loathe its very existence. The candy flow in
our house never seems to stop. The stuff flows in for every
birthday, every event and every holiday, even minor ones. Have
you ever seen little chocolate trees for Arbor Day? You’d think
that eating trees would go against the very idea of Arbor Day.
I’ve seen candy birthday
cakes, candy hearts, candy bunnies, candy witches and pumpkins,
candy turkeys and, Lord help me, candy baby-Jesus-in-a-manger
and who’s going to eat THAT? One thing I have not seen is candy
Matzo and that’s a product that would definitely be improved by
the addition.
The candy season never
actually ends and its high point is Halloween, of course, an
event that is so associated with trick-or-treating now that the
Pagans have pretty much just given up and now celebrate various
solstices and equinoxes instead. Halloween is coming up very
soon, so if you happen past my house and see some kids still in
their costumes passed out and twitching on my front lawn, it
just means they dug into their stashes early. Don’t worry about
them.
They should be fine by
Thanksgiving.
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