- even when you're a nice guy
When I accepted my current title of Stay At Home Dad, I knew that the job responsibilities would include butler, chauffeur, security, housekeeping and gardening, but it never occurred to me that I’d also be a chef. Cooking is something I had never been very good at. Once, actually more than once, I tried to boil stuffed shells despite the fact that the package of stuffed shells had no boiling instructions printed on it. Maybe that’s because it’s so easy, I thought. For some reason, though, the shells would not stay stuffed when I boiled them. In the end, I had to strain the stuffed part out of the water and reload the shells – no small feat, as the shells get really soft and floppy once they’ve been cooked all empty like that. However, what I lacked in cooking knowledge I made up for in creativity. A little string and a few well-tied knots is all it took. Actually, I’m not completely convinced that I can’t make stuffed shell boiling work. Maybe if the water is just barely simmering …
Oh well.
The point is, I had a lot to learn and not a lot of time to learn it. My kids were already kind of skinny. So I watched cooking shows and read books and began to see the science behind it all and I slowly began to become a decent cook.
Today, I tried something a little different. There is a company that makes Asian noodle dishes that cook right in their container in the microwave. Even a decent cook could handle that, I thought. I read all the directions, examined the container and decided that tonight would be Red Curry Noodle night. The noodle would be a side dish to go with the barbequed chicken, which I would cook on the grill outside. Easy enough.
The directions on the side of the curry noodle container read that I should add all the ingredients (including about a cup of water – which is a liquid, by the way) to the cardboard box and microwave it for 4 minutes. I had already examined the container and it looked to me to be somewhat other than waterproof, but I reasoned, I should follow the directions the curry noodle company provided since they really had no reason to lie to me. I’m a nice guy. So I did what I was told, set the microwave for 4 minutes, closed the door and started the noodles on their way to delicious perfection. I had more than enough time to get the chicken started out on the grill.
I’m not exactly sure when the red curry sauce began to leak out of the “container”, but it was definitely sometime after it had been transformed into molten hot red curry sauce. I should’ve known, I muttered as I opened the microwave oven door and grabbed the box to get it out of there before it created a major mess. Now, I must have used a little too much force, because the wimpy little box crumpled in my hand, exploding molten hot red curry sauce and noodles all over the inside of the microwave. I stood there in complete disbelief pondering what a good cook I’d become.
At that exact moment, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, what looked like fire shooting out of the grill. It was fire, of course. The chicken was on fire – fully engulphed. Now the only reason that the chicken should possibly be on fire is that at that precise time, I really, really needed it to not be on fire.
Sometimes food is like that, even when you’re a nice guy.
Chicken burnt beyond recognition. Red Curry Noodles all over the inside of an expensive appliance. I still had to make dinner. So, I put a big pot of water on to barely simmer.
Where are those stuffed shells?