- even when the choice is obvious
No one likes a business to treat him like he is a sucker. Some might argue that most businesses have been guilty of doing that at one time or another. I used to think that every business fell into that category, but as I matured, I began to realize that many times things are the way they are for good reason. The reason may not be readily apparent to everyone, but it is still there, lurking under the surface, ready to strike just when I’m pretty sure it doesn’t exist. Over the years I’ve learned that whenever a business seems to be treating me like that, I should at least give the people running that business a chance to explain themselves. So today, I went to the Post Office.
I do have a history of discussing a company’s policies with their customer service employees (link to “Crackers”), so to me it feels perfectly normal to ignite a debate with someone who just wants me to leave them alone and get out of the way so he can help the next customer. I needed to buy stamps anyway, so I saw that as my chance to clarify an issue I haven’t been able to figure out. The Post Office has recently changed their pricing structure. The cost of a first-class stamp was raised to $.41 and now they offer a new kind of stamp called a “Forever” stamp. It is good, as the name implies, forever even if the price of first-class postage increases in the future.
“Hi, I’d like a strip of Forever stamps, please.” I said to the friendly, helpful looking guy behind the counter.
“All right. That’ll be eight dollars and twenty cents.” He replied, stepping directly into my trap.
“Can I ask you a quick question?” I asked with a look of inquisitive innocence on my face. “You’ve probably already answered this about a thousand times.”
“I probably have, but go ahead.” He let out a tired sigh as I opened the debate.
“What is the difference between these Forever stamps and the 41 cent stamps you offer?”
“Well, whenever the price of a first-class stamp rises in the future, the Forever stamp will still be usable as it is, without having to add any value to it as you would with the 41 cent stamp.” He answered me as if he was introducing the concept to someone who had never heard it before.
“Right. So are Forever stamps only good for regular, first-class mail or can I use one, say, on an oversized envelope and just add additional postage?”
“Forever stamps are worth 41 cents currently, so yes, you can use them for larger mail by adding postage.”
“So, again, Forever stamps can be used just like the 41 cent stamps? Exactly the same. There’s no difference?” I ask, making sure he was lined up right in the middle of my intellectual crosshairs.
“That’s right.” He said with a smile that, to me, said See how generous we are, idiot? But probably actually said, Get out of my line. NEXT!
I began the attack. “So why would anyone even buy a 41 cent stamp? What’s the point?”
His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward just a bit. “People would probably buy Forever stamps right before the rates go up in the future and buy the 41 cents stamps up until then.”
“But why would they do that?” I said, banging both of my clenched fists on the counter as though it was 1775 and I was at the Continental Congress presenting my case for independence. “If you guys are going to offer the Forever stamps now, why wouldn’t everyone just buy those?”
“I don’t know,” he said, looking past me to see if there were any normal people in his line.
At this point, he had clearly conceded the debate to me, but in the heat of battle I was pretty sure the whole stamp fiasco was this guy’s fault.
“I don’t understand it. If the only difference is that one stamp is good forever and one isn’t and other than that they are exactly the same, then why even print and sell 41-cent stamps? Who would ever buy those when the other choice is a stamp that works the same exact way but is good forever? Shouldn’t the other ones be called Sucker Stamps?” I continued.
“I don’t know,” he repeated with an exasperated look and a quick glance at his watch.
I took a second to calm down and realized that the conversation was over. Once your customer-service opponent says, “I don’t know” twice in secession, it’s over. I smiled at the guy behind the counter and said, “O.K. Thank you.” And began walking away. The next customer approached the desk and what I heard him say summed up my experience at the Post Office that day.
“One roll of 41 cent stamps, please.”
Sucker.