| No one likes a
business to treat him like he is a sucker. Some might argue that
most businesses have been guilty of doing that at one time or
another. I used to think that every business fell into that
category, but as I matured, I began to realize that many times
things are the way they are for good reason. The reason may not
be readily apparent to everyone, but it is still there, lurking
under the surface, ready to strike just when I’m pretty sure it
doesn’t exist. Over the years I’ve learned that whenever a
business seems to be treating me like that, I should at least
give the people running that business a chance to explain
themselves. So today, I went to the Post Office.
I do have a history of discussing a company’s
policies with their customer service employees (Crackers
- March 2006), so to me it feels perfectly normal to ignite
a debate with someone who just wants me to leave them alone and
get out of the way so he can help the next customer. I needed to
buy stamps anyway, so I saw that as my chance to clarify an
issue I haven’t been able to figure out. The Post Office has
recently changed their pricing structure. The cost of a
first-class stamp was raised to $.41 and now they offer a new
kind of stamp called a “Forever” stamp. It is good, as the name
implies, forever even if the price of first-class postage
increases in the future.
“Hi, I’d like a strip of Forever stamps,
please.” I said to the friendly, helpful looking guy behind the
counter.
“All right. That’ll be eight dollars and
twenty cents.” He replied, stepping directly into my trap.
“Can I ask you a quick question?” I asked with
a look of inquisitive innocence on my face. “You’ve probably
already answered this about a thousand times.”
“I probably have, but go ahead.” He let out a
tired sigh as I opened the debate.
“What is the difference between these Forever
stamps and the 41 cent stamps you offer?”
“Well, whenever the price of a first-class
stamp rises in the future, the Forever stamp will still be
usable as it is, without having to add any value to it as you
would with the 41 cent stamp.” He answered me as if he was
introducing the concept to someone who had never heard it
before.
“Right. So are Forever stamps only good for
regular, first-class mail or can I use one, say, on an oversized
envelope and just add additional postage?”
“Forever stamps are worth 41 cents currently,
so yes, you can use them for larger mail by adding postage.”
“So, again, Forever stamps can be used just
like the 41 cent stamps? Exactly the same. There’s no
difference?” I ask, making sure he was lined up right in the
middle of my intellectual crosshairs.
“That’s right.” He said with a smile that, to
me, said See how generous we are, idiot? But probably
actually said, Get out of my line.
NEXT!
I began the attack. “So why would anyone even
buy a 41 cent stamp? What’s the point?”
His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward just a
bit. “People would probably buy Forever stamps right before the
rates go up in the future and buy the 41 cents stamps up until
then.”
“But why would they do that?” I said, banging
both of my clenched fists on the counter as though it was 1775
and I was at the Continental Congress presenting my case for
independence. “If you guys are going to offer the Forever stamps
now, why wouldn’t everyone just buy those?”
“I don’t know,” he said, looking past me to
see if there were any normal people in his line.
At this point, he had clearly conceded the
debate to me, but in the heat of battle I was pretty sure the
whole stamp fiasco was this guy’s fault.
“I don’t understand it. If the only difference
is that one stamp is good forever and one isn’t and other than
that they are exactly the same, then why even print and sell
41-cent stamps? Who would ever buy those when the other choice
is a stamp that works the same exact way but is good forever?
Shouldn’t the other ones be called Sucker Stamps?” I continued.
“I don’t know,” he repeated with an
exasperated look and a quick glance at his watch.
I took a second to calm down and realized that
the conversation was over. Once your customer-service opponent
says, “I don’t know” twice in secession, it’s over. I smiled at
the guy behind the counter and said, “O.K. Thank you.” And began
walking away. The next customer approached the desk and what I
heard him say summed up my experience at the Post Office that
day.
“One roll of 41 cent stamps, please.”
Sucker.
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